of names and controversy
by hazel levesque
Summary: WINNER of Phoenix Awards Round Eight - Best Humour category / "We are not naming our child after that sweet talking Barbie." – in which Jason and Reyna attempt to name their baby.


**title |** of names and controversy

**pairings |** jason/reyna, a little percy/annabeth

**summary |** "We are not naming our child after that sweet talking Barbie." – in which Jason and Reyna attempt to name their baby.

**disclaimer |** well, I don't own PJatO or HoO because _dammit _if I did—well, you wouldn't want to know.

**notes |** well, the thought of domestic jason/reyna just brought me all these feels, hence the birth of this baby. I think I'm too invested in this ship, but not more so than my own sister—_seriously,_ she's nuts. I sincerely apologise if you know anybody with or like the names that are insulted in this fic. So I named Percabeth's kid Luke, I thought it appropriate but others may disagree. but yeah, if you can't already tell; this is unbeta-ed and totally awful, so brace yourself.

* * *

By the time he's stepped over the threshold of their modest one storey house, Jason Grace can already tell that he's going to have an interesting evening.

It's the smell of his favourite meal, spaghetti Bolognese that lingers in the air, the new Sudoku book left on the coffee table, and the addition of a new goldfish in their fish tank.

All signs that Percy and Annabeth had visited earlier today, and that something was definitely up.

Jason finds her in the kitchen, meticulously stirring the sauce in a large pot and wearing a purple apron. He marvels at the way her dark hair curls over her shoulder and the furrowing of her brow as she turns down the heat of the gas stove. He tiptoes into the kitchen, and grabs at the curve of her waist.

"Jason," she acknowledges.

"There's a new fish in the tank," he says, and finds himself mildly disappointed that she had not even blinked at his attempt of surprising her.

"Yes. Percy and Annabeth came over in the morning with little Luke," Reyna smiles shortly, holding out a teaspoon of the sauce and asking if it needs more salt.

Jason nods, "Just a pinch more. How was Luke?"

"Like any other one year old, I suppose," she murmurs absentmindedly, turning off the heat and grabbing out a chopping board. "Incoherent babbling, abrupt puking, and ridiculous clothes. They customised a Camp Half Blood onesie for him."

Jason splutters in disbelief, "No way. They're not that crazy."

"I think the fact that they give us a new fish every time they visit means they are," Reyna smiles in amusement, expertly cutting up tomatoes for the salad. "I've named the fish Decimus."

"Tenth?" he translates, shaking his head. "Just like Primus, Secundus, Tertius, Quartus and all the others? You're really not creative, Rey."

His wife rolls her eyes. "Well, they're fish. We're not naming our baby."

"True," he agrees, sitting on one of the chairs at the kitchen bench. He hears Reyna set the knife down, and he turns wary when he sees her thoughtful face. "Reyna?"

"Speaking of naming," she begins, opening the cupboard that contains the plates and pulling out a small but thick paperback book, "I went out to New Rome after Percy and Annabeth left, and I saw this book so I bought it. I think we should look through it."

Jason grabs the books from her and squints. "Brilliant Baby Names Book."

"A name is extremely important for our baby," Reyna nods, and smacks him on the side of his head. "Are you even listening to me?"

Rubbing his head, Jason hurriedly says, "Of course I am. But do we have to do this now? Can we do this later?"

Reyna screeches something about procrastination and how they should not put off the inevitable.

"I'm hungry, though," he groans.

"So read through the names while I cook, Grace."

He sighs in defeat, and peruses the book dutifully. "Are these all Latin?"

Nodding, Reyna says, "I was thinking of a more traditional name, don't you think?"

He more or less shrugs, and skips through the A, B and C section. "I don't want a name starting with A."

"What?" Reyna cries in astonishment. "What about Argenta? Aurelia?"

He scoffs, "Are you serious? Those are just girl versions of Argentum and Aurum. I thought the fish names were bad, but that's just completely atrocious."

Reyna frowns at his less than enthusiastic response at her suggestions. "What about Antony?"

"Yeah, our son will love that," Jason snorted, smiling sarcastically, "being named after a Roman general who committed suicide due to a misunderstanding and unwillingness to accept blame for his defeat by _Octavian_."

She mulls over the idea, and agrees sullenly. No son of hers would be named after a person who got totally _pwned _by the Emperor the pesky augur was named after. "Amadeus?"

"Don't even get me started on _that_," he sneers.

Reyna glowers, picking up the knife to resume her chopping. "Fine, no 'A' names. I'll make an exception to that request."

"Latin names are so old, though," he complains. "Why can't we do something more modern? Like an English name or something."

"Hmm? Like what?"

"Bradley or Eric or Piper… or something," he finishes weakly, noticing the way her hand stills on the knife and the silence that seems almost deadly.

Her smile is saccharine and voice levelled as she replies, "We are _not_ naming our child after that sweet talking Barbie."

Jason decides not to push his luck.

Suggestions (and the occasional knife) are thrown around the kitchen room. The air permeates with the smell of spaghetti Bolognese as they peruse through the 'Baby Name Bible'.

Reyna usually suggests extremely out dated and appalling names, while Jason fires back with disgusted looks.

He says, "Juno? Are you serious? You want to name our kid after my father's wife who kidnapped me for her nefarious schemes? I don't care if my abduction saved the world!"

He tells her, "Hyroniemus? Eleutherius? That's not even… what? I can't even—"

He cries, "Cato? That's the name of a character in those Hungry books of yours, isn't it?"

He splutters, "Madonna? Are you out of your mind?"

He sighs, "We are not going to name our children with ordinal numbers."

He slumps in his chair, "Kill me now."

Reyna is livid, her hair has fallen out of her braid and her face is red with poorly veiled rage. She selects the last knife (the only one she hasn't thrown about) and sets to work on the cucumber. She seethes, "You know, instead of just shooting down _all_ of my suggestions you could perhaps—oh, _I don't_ _know_! Give some suggestions of _your_ own?"

Sighing, he decides to humour the daughter of Bellona, settling deeper into his seat and flicking through the book. It's less than a minute until he looks up to see her face has calmed into an exasperated expression.

"Don't look at me like that, Rey," he placates half-heartedly, "but why are we doing this now?"

"It's time for us to choose a name," she replies with a forceful chop of the cucumber on the wooden board.

Jason winces in pity—forgetting his abhorrence to the cylindrical vegetable in favour of praying to his father that his wife would have mercy on the cucumber. He shakes his head, frowning, "That doesn't make sense. I just don't understand why we have to do this—"

"Do I have to explain the importance of a name, Jason?" Reyna simpers and gives him the _are you really that_ _stupid_ look. "Names are what give people identity. Names _define_ us."

He mumbles under his breath that she only believes that because fortunately, her name means _queen _in Spanish.

She ignores him and continues her spiel heatedly, "What kind of parents would we be if we give our child a horrible name? Like Orson, Engelbert, Mildred or the Gods forbid; _Dorcas_. How would you feel knowing you subjected our child to that—"

"I get that," he interrupts half impatient, half amused.

Reyna huffs in a disbelieving manner. "Then why are you objecting so much to it—"

"The baby isn't even _born_ yet," Jason finishes, giving her a pointed look. "Reyna, you're not even pregnant."

He barely misses the kitchen knife that soars barely an inch above his head and embeds itself neatly into the wall behind him.

Reyna scowls.

* * *

**end notes |** yeah, I'm sorry you had to read that. feel free to point out any mistakes and please leave a review. ^_^


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